Not even half and half
“I am not an Athenian nor a Greek, but a citizen of the world” (Socrates)
Wherever I go, I get these questions: Are you Mexican? Are you Filipina? Vietnamese? Puerto Rican? What am I? The answer is of course “Indonesian”, but mostly people, especially if they are Asians or moreover Indonesians, aren’t satisfied with that answer.
In Indonesia, people who ask me would further ask, “But which Indonesian?” (Indonesianya mana?). I would say, “Bandung” (my hometown). And then they would continue, “Which Bandung?” (Bandungnya mana?). I would go on, “South”. And they would finally force me to say what ethnicity I am. And I have no simple answer for that. I am not even half of this and half of that.
Outside Indonesia, in United States, many people think I am Hispanic or Filipino/a. But well, yes even in Europe, people also think I am of those Filipinas. In Thailand, they think I am local. In Vietnam, people speak Vietnamese with me. In Taiwan, I am a Taiwanese lady. In Srilanka, locals think I am ‘burger’ (Eurasian, mixed of local and European). In Japan they speak Japanese with me. In Bahrain and Dubai, nobody thinks I am Indonesian.
In Indonesia, Chinese Indonesians think I am Sundanese or Manadonese. Sundanese think I could be one of them. People from Manado think I am one of them. In Bali, locals think I am foreigner, either Filipina, Hispanic, Japanese or HongKong-nese or whatever foreign combination. I was walking with my foreign friends from Middle East, Balinese spoke Indonesian to them and English to me. Btw, more than a couple of times, at Jakarta airport, since some taxi agents always speak in English with me, I pretended to be a foreigner and they treated me better! Yikes.
So, what I am? Like I said above, I am Indonesian. But ok, let’s talk about what ethnicities I am originated. I never usually talk about this, but it doesn’t mean I avoid talking about this. I can and thus I will, here. So, yes, like my last name implies, I have Chinese blood, from both sides of my parents. Funny that now I am the only person in my family whose last name is Lim, but that’s an entirely different story.
Ok, let’s trace from my mom’s side. My great great grandfather (a grandpa of mom’s dad) came from China (he was Hakka). Like almost all Chinese migrants that time (all male), he came alone, settled in Kalimantan (Borneo) island, near Sambas river, after marrying a Dayaknese (local) girl. They got my great grandpa who also got married to a mixed Chinese-Dayaknese girl. So, my grandpa was a half-half Chinese-Dayaknese.
From the other side, my grandma, a mom’s mom, she was truly mixed. She looked like half-half too. She had Caucasian look, big eyes, high nose, but dark hair, not so light skin and not tall at all (in fact, she was small). Her grandfather (my great great grandpa) was a Dutch soldier who, just like so many Dutch soldiers in that era, approached an uneducated Javanese girl and then just left her with a baby girl, my great grandma. This Javanese-Dutch girl later married someone whom was of Chinese-Arabic descent (many of them at that moment) and perhaps a bit mixed with Ambonese but this info couldn’t be confirmed. This couple got my grandma.
So, see, from my mom’s side I got: Chinese-Dayaknese-Dutch-Arabic-Javanese-(Ambonese?)
From my dad’s side, is a bit unclear. He doesn’t really know what exact ethnicities he has. But one thing he is sure is how he got Lim as his last name. So, here is the story. My great grandpa (my father’s grandpa from his father’s side) was Mr. Lim (Babah Lim), not purely Chinese at all. My dad suspected that Mr Lim was actually mixed of Sunda/Java (Cirebon) and Chinese. He owned some shops and had a Sundanese guy as his trusted bodyguard (centeng). Mr. Lim didn’t have any daughter son, so he adopted this Sundanese guy, gave this guy his last name to ‘transform’ him into Chinese (at that moment Dutch authority put Chinese in higher status than other ethnicities, so he took advantage of that too) as well as his son inlaw. So, great grandfather was actually Sundanese with Chinese last name. The bodyguard and a daughter of Mr. Lim had my grandpa whom later got married with my grandma (who claimed to be Javanese-Sundanese-Chinese with unexplainable composition).
So, I got Chinese-Javanese-Sundanese from my father’s side.
So, here is the BIG NEWS — Ironically, the Lim is actually gotten from someone who wasn’t even Chinese, pure 100% Sundanese!!!. But then this last name made my father ‘non-native’ Indonesian, thus I am classified as ‘non-native’ too. Odd, isn’t it? (Well, now formally there’s such thing as native or non-native anymore in Indonesia… but still.. some places, some people, some institutions still continue using these terms). So, what I am? I am who I am.
I am a world citizen (hey, sounds like Socrates), a global citizen, or gado-gado citizen (as my friend put it). And I am (can be) your friend.
Comments from old archives:
Hehee……biak sambas juga beh…. Hi Sis, Im Indah, still think to visit Sambas and do something there?
mer: hi Indah…. ya, sure, want to visit Sambas someday!
By indah on 11.26.05 12:27 am
Mbak Mer, met kenal yah… Saya mampir ke mari dari tempatnya Tita. Cuma mo bilang, Love ur blog: simple tapi warm, intuitive cara navigasinya, dan yg penting, isinya original sekalee (sampai ke gambar2nya).
Love it!
venny
mer: thanks a lot, Venny! makasih banget udah mau explore blogku. btw, temen Tita temenku juga dooong…
By Venny on 04.11.06 1:18 am
native indonesians? who are they?
By kere kemplu on 04.12.06 5:42 pm
native indonesians? who are they?
indonesia is a big jumble. i’m javanese. people know i’m a wong jawa. am i 100% javanese? i don’t know and i don’t care 
mer: agree with you 100%. but in the past, as much as i didn’t want to care, i was forced to care, yet i still didn’t care. now, things are changed, but still, my “WNI keturunan” sometimes still give me some troubles.
By kere kemplu on 04.12.06 5:47 pm
Teh, mun di Indonesia mah nyarios Sunda we mun aya nu naros, dijamin langsung ditebak urang Sunda, paling naros deui ari soal silsilah ka luhurna mah.
mer: muhun, kang Jay.. pas upami jadi mojang priangan mah nya..
Tapi soal ngaku-ngaku turis mancanagara alus oge, lumayan meunang servis nu alus dianggap bule, hahaha. *tapi sebel oge ngadengena*
mer: hehe…pokona mah untung…..sebel? emang…sad but true..
By Jay on 04.14.06 7:59 am
‘Mer, perempuan secerdas kamu sayang sekali kalau tidak berkontribusi di milis2 ITB. Mestinya kamu spreading your open-minded & intellect words ke milis2, seperti: ITB-89 dan IA-ITB Jakarta. Mau ya? You’re invited…
Cheers, prima (FI’89)
mer: Prim, terimakasih
Aku mau saja berbagi. Cuma aku ini ngga punya energi kalau harus tulisan2ku ditanggapi dgn diskusi panjang di milis. Milis kan ribet. Tapi aku akan “jalan2″ deh ke milis yang kamu sebut. Salam 
By Prima on 07.11.06 9:32 pm
hehehe lam kenal teteh mer.
teh mer pakai nama lim, padahal aslinya campur2, cuma kebetulan dapet keturunan nama lim, dan satu2nya di keluarga pake nama lim.
sama, saya juga pake nama keturunan wna, satu2nya juga di keluarga, dan di silsilah keluarga juga campur aduk kayak teh mer. dah turun temurun di indonesia…
but sometimes i choose to hide my last name for the sake of people asking me or judging me “oohh you’re wni keturunan”. tapi kalo dokumen2 & email2 resmi saya masih tulis2 lengkap lah. cuma di email2 “ngobrol” aja gak lengkap hehe..
still proudly indonesian and proudly having a provincial city in java as my unforgettable hometown (my parents still live there).
mer: ya, ngerti sih.. banyak temen yg juga ngga pake last name itu, dan saya kira tepat2 saja. saya sih udah tanggung dari kecil pake dan teman2 udah tahunya itu, ya udah.
By geekgirl on 07.15.06 3:23 am
Dear Mer, such a nice story. I have had similar experience with with you, all the nations I have had the opportunity to go to, they considered me a local! Well, except for the Caucasian lands. The difference is my genetic trail is somewhat well documented. but for some reason, i look multi ethnic. hehehe. cheers.
can you japri me? id like to share an email that was forwarded to me re:physics heroes. thanks.
mer: hehe, senasib.. senasib.
By wicak on 07.17.06 10:55 pm
It was interesting, for a white australian, to read this page. Was very informative. Thank you
mer: thanks for reading, Steve.
By Steve on 08.31.06 6:49 pm
hehe akhirnya jadi ditulis juga itu cerita kang ngkos lim….pake gambar family tree biar yg udah prematur aging kayak gue cepet nyerepnya…eh, itu ralat…babah (mr) lim kagak punya son (terulis kagak punya daughter)…
mer: hehe, entar deh dibikin… males euy. eh, thanks u/ ralatnya, udah diralat tuh
By Herlily on 11.29.06 10:49 pm
Hi mer,
You probably didn’t mean it. tapi tau gak kalo ‘I am who I am’ is God’s name, YHWH. I think you should correct it
Would be offensive otherwise to some christians. I am a christian too 
mer: hi, thanks for the warning, but no, I don’t think I should correct it. Yes, I am very knowledgeable that YHWH is God’s name (in Judaism and Christian), but I don’t think the statement “I am who I am” exclusively belongs to that context only. After all, “I am who I am”, or Ehyeh in Hebrew, is not the name itself, but one English translation of the response that God used when asked for His name. Ehyeh is also used in Hebrew to say “I will” or “I shall be”. So, why I cannot use this phrase? It is just a translation of “Saya adalah saya” “Abdi mah abdi” etc etc.
By Ferry on 12.12.06 10:02 pm
seru.. penasaran persentasenya gimana.. berapa persen etnis anu.. etnis ini.. hihihi biar lucu aja..
mer: aku masih pingin melacak…. cuma susah euy, nenek moyangku orang pelaut.. eh…. buta huruf dan tidak mengenal arsip tertulis.
By Rani on 04.10.07 2:08 am
Mer,
Nice blog.How did you trace your ancestor? It is an extensive research. I tried to trace my ancestor. Don’t know how to start.
mer: my knowledge about my ancestor came from oral stories told by my grandparents and my parents. i still cannot get more accurate narratives. yes, it’s very difficult.
By Ingrid on 06.19.07 4:40 pm
Paingan atuh paingan… Ditelek-telek teh bet… Pinter basa Sunda, geulisna mah rata2 mojang Bandung lah, heheh… tapi karakterna kuat pisan… Mun ditebak-tebak mah, sigana asup kana kategori judes rada2 galak… Pantes jadi propesor mah, killer tapi pantes dipibogoh… Hihihih…
Blogna tos lami dilebetkeun kana daptar blog di urangsunda.net, punten nembe ngawartosan… Salam kenal & sukses!
mer: hehehe, aya aya wae ah si akang kumincir mah. nuhun atuh tos didaptarkeun kan blog urang sunda. salam kenal oge. p.s. abdi mah teu judes da… amis budi hihihi…
By kumincir on 09.24.07 4:39 pm
Pengen nanya aja…KTP nya ada tandanya nggak?! Kalau nggak ada berarti petugas kelurahan bingung dong ya…namanya kok?!
mer: ya dulu sih waktu punya ktp ya ada tandanya. walaupun mustinya “pribumi” tetap aja keluargaku dikategorikan wni keturunan. tapi aku dah lama ngga punya ktp koq.
By Retty on 12.14.07 2:51 am
Hahaha… yeah, complicated story :p
Salam kenal mbak, saya mahasiswa master program di Universität Bremen, dan alumnus TG ITB (angk 2000).
mer: salam kenal juga…. complicated ya? haha…. societal construction of citizenship judulnya
By Teuku Reiza on 12.23.07 2:39 pm
Halo Mbak, salam kenal ya…webnya enak dibaca. Aku mengunduh beberapa paper Mbak. Keep writing and posting ya Mbak.
mer: salam kenal dan terimakasih Luluk. silakan juga mengunduh…. senang bisa ketemu pembaca
By Luluk on 01.11.08 3:29 am
Hai Mer. Salam kenal.
Seneng baca tulisanmu yang satu ini.
Dan saya bangga punya temen 89 sepintar kamu
Salam,
Teddy (TL’89)
mer: thanks & salam kenal juga…. TL, temannya Susan, Uping, dan Myrfa dong!
By Teddy on 04.03.08 3:17 am
I only speak english (mother from Gorontalo…refugeed to Holland and moved to cali in late 50-s)
Who knows what the mix I am, but my father (whom I do not know) was a green eyed, curly haired claimed to be italian. My babies now 18, and 9 are also black from their dad.
Learning alot and just thought I would tell you I like your world citizen…my kids and I say “we are in the mix”…
Love yourself for being blessed with all because you are “one individual” and you sound like a positive person in anyone life.
breezy and free in cali
By caroline caffin on 04.11.08 1:12 am
I only speak english (mother from Gorontalo…refugeed to Holland and moved to cali in late 50-s) Who knows what the mix I am, but my father (whom I do not know) was a green eyed, curly haired claimed to be italian. My babies now 18, and 9 are also black from their dad.
Learning alot and just thought I would tell you I like your world citizen…my kids and I say “we are in the mix”…
Love yourself for being blessed with all because you are “one individual” and you sound like a positive person in anyone life. breezy and free in cali Salamat Tingal
mer: hi Caroline, thanks for dropping by. Yes, we’re all in the mix! And mix is great, it’s yummy, hehe. Btw, I once lived in Holland for my study, and then moved to Call too (in 2005) but for only a year, before moved here, Arizona.
By caroline caffin on 04.11.08 1:12 am
Teh Mer, itu bisa tau ampe etnik2nya secara detail keren bener. Hebat itu dari mulut ke mulut bisa terus ampe generasi teteh taunya gitu.
Papa saya beberapa tahun lalu ke Sukabumi sana untuk ngedapetin family tree. Dapet cukup lengkap ampe ke jama baheula. Tapi ngga ada gitu mengenai ethnic .. cuman nama2 aja dan pekerjaan leluhur saya yang salah satunya ternyata bekerja sebagai Ratu Sunda hahah LOL. Papa bilang dari pihaknya ada yang kawin dgn orang Kamboja, tapi auk yang mana.
Dari mama juga ngga jelas detailnya gimana. Kata mama, nenek buyut saya itu dari Cina, entah dari mana tapinya. So saya generalizekan saja deh bahwa yg Kamboja dan Cina itu dari Yunan hehehe kan kata buku sejarah pas sekolahan dulu, nenek moyang Indonesia berasal dari Yunan, Hindia Belakang hehehe.
mer: memang susah…. saya saja masih belum puas dengan rekaman2 sejarah oral ini. kalau nanti ada waktu, saya mau napak tilas ke Sambas, Jatitujuh, Solo, dll… saya masih pingin tahu last name kakek uyut-ku yg KNIL Belanda itu…. wah, pokoknya masih jauh dari lengkap. tapi soal Santi berdarah Cina sih kayaknya begitu… kelihatan dari bentuk parasnya
By santi d on 06.21.08 9:41 am
Hola neng eMer! Elu yakin gak ada darah batak dalam dirimu? Kok dari suara dan cara ngomongnya aku yakin pasti ada sedikit darah ‘Hutabara’ di dalam dirimu, hehehe…
mer: hahaha….. masa sih? cara ngomong gue kan Dayeuh abis
By fritz on 07.18.08 5:07 am
“I was forced to care.” How true. Biar bagaimana juga, sayangnya, orang Indonesia selalu mau tahu exactly ‘what are you’. Bedanya ‘what you are’ sama ‘what are you’? Yang pertama kedengerannya lebih tulus, lebih ‘menghargai’; sementara yang terakhir lebih ‘menghakimi’.
‘Berkat’ bokap yang asli Palembang, walau nyokap orang Batak (Harahap), gue selalu ditodong pertanyaan “Kamu ada keturunan Cina ya?” Berjuta kali kepengen jawab nantang, “Kalo iya, kenapa?” Cuman berhubung yang nanya [seringnya] orang lebih tua, jadi kudu diperhalus, “Bukan. Bapak Palembang, Mama Batak Mandailing.” Trus komen selanjutnya, “Oh pantess…”
Katanya Bhinneka Tunggal Ika, tapi prakteknya? Rasis.
I’m glad you keep ‘Lim’ for your last name. I wish I had a surname.
mer: ya… selama ini orang-orang Indonesia suka berkoar-koar tentang rasisme di Amerika…. tapi kalau ditelaah secara mendalam, masyarakat kita ini sangat kesukuan dan praktek rasisme belum dianggap ’salah’… biasa saja dilakukan. Hey yes, I’m glad to keep my last name too. Besides, it’s short… easy to pronounce especially if compared to most those complex Indonesian names
)
By Diny on 10.07.08 7:47 pm
By chance ketemu site ini, menarik apalagi carita sunda, walau aku bisa sunda krn lu2san sakolana ti Para Hyang an, tapi teu wani ngaku sunda, da uing mah termasuk ‘wni keturunan’ keturunan saha teu nyaho? nu puguh mah jadi jelema saja! Ari neng Mer di Bdg na palebah mana? Saya mah asli ti Kopo. Ok dulu lah.
mer: saya tinggal di pinggiran Bandung, Bandung coret yang namanya Dayeuhkolot. dan bahasa saya sehari2 adalah Sunda… tidak seperti kebanyakan kaum ‘wni keturunan’ (terasa stereotying, tapi ya mau gimana memang begitu kenyataannya), kami sekeluarga berbicara dalam bahasa sunda halus dengan lancar. soal urang Sunda, ya mau gimana ngga ngaku, uyut saya (dari ayah) yang justru bernama keluarga Lim justru asli Sunda, 100%, begitu… dan nenek saya juga campuran Sunda juga.
By Lukito on 10.22.08 7:06 pm
Iyalah, Mer Dayeuhkolot mah nyaho, krn doeloe waktu kecil kagum akan pahlawan yg namanya Moh Toha sampe dibikin jadi nama jalan, krn saking pengen tahu sampe jalan kaki ingin tahu yg namanya Tugu Moh Toha.
Mer, kalo boleh tahu apa pake nama Lim tidak banyak susahnya, krn aku mah walau udah ganti nama malah banyak duka nya trtm dulu waktu mau masuk sakola kudu bawa surat anu surat ini utk membuktikan ‘asli keturunan’ bararingung pokona mah! cheers
By Lukito on 10.23.08 1:55 pm
Baby name meaning and origin for Babah…
Description for the baby name Babah, the origins of the name and its meaning…
By Baby-Parenting.com on 11.17.08 4:40 pm
[...] Chinese last name, though I am less than 40% Chinese, I learned very early in my life — it was my third grade — that I couldn’t be a [...]
By Mer’s Bites of Bytes » [Inauguration] Turning we come round right on 01.21.09 2:00 pm
So where did the name “Koswardi” come from? Even Deni can’t satisfactorily answer that!
By Margie on 07.21.09 10:13 am
[...] Not even half and half [...]
Dear miss/mrs/madam yaaa/?hehe..i just wanna let u know,i really like ur blog coz seems simple but it’s very interesting N experiensive hihi..i can’t imagine how wonderful ur experiences r..so could u be so kind to let me know a little bit information how i can get a sholarship in Australia,Singapore or London or maybe Indonesia coz i really excited to continue my study..um but without be a burden 4 my parents of course
..so i expected to get a sholarship or “sambil kerja hehehe”..anyway r there many opportunies to get full scholarship????? FYI..i’m a graduation of assosiate degree N wanna continue 2 bachelor degree..
Thanx in advance,
cheers..
Fanny
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